mommom's blogglob

Update

2010-03-24T14:56:00.000-04:00

Talked to the scheduler. She is waiting for the Chief to give her a date. She thinks April 1 or 2. I said that I know every patient is in the same situation and anxious to get it done and she was very nice and said that everyone is in a similar situation but that when it comes to her desk directly there is a bit of urgency and that she will work to expedite it.

While I really appreciate it, it does make me even more nervous. They know something is wrong, at least that is how it sounds. I am telling myself that I am young and healthy. I am telling myself that 3-95% is pretty big range. But I also saw that Doctor's face. I have seen that face before, with my patients. I know something is wrong. I am trying very hard not to admit that to myself but today I can't deny it.

I'm not feeling as bad as I was the first time around, not nauseus right now, etc. but I am freaking out. Last night I talked to Hubs about our plans if it IS something. I really do not want my mother to come take care of me. I love my mom, we have always been very close, but I don't want her taking over my home. I also don't want my mother in law to come, because, much as I love her, she is batshit insane. (she couldn't come anyway, because her husband is dying of liver cancer rigt now, anyway, but taht is beside the point) So I am trying to figure out who can come and help me with Harriet.

I know we can't afford a nanny, and I can't put her in daycare if I am having treatments due to all the germs kids bring to daycare, so I am just trying to figure it out. I'm considering asking a friend to come and I am also hoping that some of my family can come help at least some of the time. Maybe they can all take a few days or something. This is how I work, if I can get a plan figured out I can deal with it. I know Hubs can work form home some, and we will just have to see how it goes, but it makes me anxious. and anxiety is becoming my middle name.

So, wish me luck, and think/hope/pray the tests come back negative, which would make this all SO much better.

Thanks for listening to my rant!

scared

2010-03-23T19:16:00.001-04:00

I had another ultrasound today. It was supposed to be basically nothing, but turned into another step in what is turning out to be a healthcare nightmare.

I have to have an ultrasound guided biopsy and possible core needle biopsy. The nurse in me has to know the numbers, so I looked it up. this is where I hate medicine. It's a 3-95% chance of malignancy. That's quite a spread, don't you think? But in looking at films and reading criteria, I'm scared. I know I shouldn't read these things but I have to. It's in my blood. Not reading them isn't an option, and occasionally they do help me.

I'm petrified. Again. I really don't want to do this. I want to be fine, healthy, and move on with my life. I'm healthy. Fat, but healthy. My cholesterol blood pressure and glucose are low to normal, the only thing wrong with me is that I am fat. So I've been losing weight the right way, but I certainly don't want to go on the cancer diet.

So bear with me if I'm not my cheerful optimistic self. Oh, wait. that isn't me, is it? but still, bear with me. I'm trying very hard not to get depressed or overly anxious.

I will let you know what is next for me. I hope the biopsy is the end of my issues, but there is something there, I saw it, both on the mammogram and on the ultrasound, and I'm scared.

Perception

2010-03-22T14:44:00.000-04:00

Perception is a funny thing. Two people can be viewing the same thing and have entirely different takes on it.

Over the weekend Hubs mentioned that we hadn't "made it" yet. I gave him a funny look, and he then asked if I thought we had. Of course I do. We live a wonderful life. We travel, we value experiences, we have had some experiences that few people can ever say. We've swam with sharks, dolphins, seen the pyramids, traveled the world, eaten in the best restaurants, seen the best plays, but most importantly, we manage to afford for me to stay at home to raise our daughter. I know that is a luxury that isn't an option for many. I realy enjoy it, and while some days I am taxed and worn out, I always have more good moments than bad, and I am always glad I am with her. We do cut some corners elsewhere to make it work, and as I said our motto would probably be experiences, not things.

I hope he comments to say what he thinks will qualify us as having made it.

We've also recently discussed the possibility of me going back to work, while also discussing the educational options for Harriet, as they would have an impact on my returning to work. I love that in that conversation, money was not the driving factor. Sure, extra cash would be great, but it was about our goals for Harriet and our personal happiness. It was about affording the best educational opportunity for her given her learning style and the poor public education system in our country, as well as the ridiculous expense of private education in NYC.

To me, that is making it. Not making every decision based strictly on financial concerns, but being able to enjoy life, do the things we want, and enjoy Harriet while providing the best life for her that we can.

What qualifies as making it to you? When will you have made it, or have you?

failing

2010-03-10T23:30:00.000-05:00

I try. I try too hard. I don't say anything. I say too much. I plan, I think, I observe, and still being new in a city full of people who have lived here their whole lives, or have worked together for years means I am unable to fit in.

I've never fit in. I'm chubby. I'm intelligent and speak my mind. I know when I am right and when I don't have a clue about the topic. I also know when my point of view is simply an opinion. I pay money to join mother's groups to meet other others, and every single playgroup that we fit the criteria for is at 3 or 3:30, my kiddo's naptime.

I actually LOVE new york city, it has so much to offer and it's clean and safe and all the things I want, but I can't meet a friend to save my life. My soul is breaking.

Is it so much to ask that at a dinner of 3 coworkers and their significant others the women actually speak to me? guess so. Here we go again...

I don't even know where to look anymore.

sigh.

The Doula vs. Husband question, my take

2010-02-27T23:00:00.002-05:00

I know that doulas are very popular right now. I don't dispute their need in many cases, but I really, really don't understand why everyone needs one.

When I had my daughter I really loved the experience of the two of us becoming the three of us. It's not popular amongst the AP set, apparently, but I think it actually dovetails very nicely with the philosophies. If I can't count on my husband to be there to support me during a stressful time, how can we parent together?

The idea that Doulas know more about birth than a mom who has never been at a birth, while touting that a woman's body knows best is confusing at best.

I think doulas are great! but I think they aren't needed when the couple is stable, when the husband isn't at risk of traveling around the anticipated time of birth, or when he isn't squeamish. Obviously single mothers, mothers of men in the military, and wives of squeamish husbands can benefit, but the experience for me went something like this.

I was 42 weeks pregnant. One hundred percent certain of conception date. My husband, who went to all my OB visits and birth classes (stupidest thing, but I will talk about that another time) came with me when I was to be induced. He spent the night on a very uncomfortable chair next to me while I slept in a delivery room bed. I had a cervical ripener, which did basically nothing. When my OB came in in the morning to check me, I'd had no contractions on the monitor or that I felt, no cervical change, but I was dilated to about nothing. yeah...basically 0.25 or something ridiculous, though my cervix was soft. We discussed what to do and since I wanted a vaginal birth if possible, he suggested attempting to break my water and of course start the pitocin. Since there was a high risk of going to Cesarean due to my past medical history (My OB is very pro-vaginal birth) we agreed that I would get an epidural before the pitocin started, if he was able to break my water. (If not, there were many more options on the table, including another cervical ripener, straight to CS, or starting the pitocing up anyway. Remember that at this point I am 42 weeks pregnant, the risk of stillbirth goes up significantly at this point, so there wasn't really an option to wait another day or two.

Through all of this, my husband helped me remember teh questions we had discussed, and asked more himself. When the OB did manage to break my water my husband held my hand through the quite painful process. I can't even imagine anyone else being the one to support me then.

Things progressed and we got the epidural. after which I decided that OMG I had to poop. yep. I had just gotten an epidural and I had to poop. The Anesthetist said that it was fine if I could get up on my own (I did) and if someone stayed in the bathroom with me. well, who else do you want with you while you're trying to take a poop? certainly not a strange midwife and for me, no one but my husband. After that we got me back to bed and I labored nicely, with a top up on the epidural. At some point later in the process, as baby's head started to come down, a massive amount of meconium showed up. I mention it to the midwife and my husband gets her attention as well, we remind her that it means she needs to call a pediatrician. Then...the epidural wore off as I was in transition. and while my husband pressed the midwife to call the anesthetist, I hummed, and held his hand. He tried to talk to me but understood when I looked at him, didn't have to say anything, he was quiet. The anesthetist came up, got me squared away (added some narcotic this time around) and things were great again. only now, I was 9.5.

As we got thigns ready to push, I asked to squat. The midwife was not particularly fond of this idea, but my husband assured her that the two of them could help steady me (I could feel my legs, they were just a bit tingly, and I needed help to get into the right position) and basically we just...did. She had no choice at that point! We re-reminded her to call the pediatrician, and as my baby made her way into the world, my husband excitedly watched. He saw her hair and told me how great I was doing. I wouldn't have believed another soul. When pushing lasted almost an hour, he kept encouraging me, and I was actually surprised an hour had passed. We were a bit concerned that she wouldn't make it past the pelvic ridge, since I had a broken pelvis as a teenager, but she did, and once she did thigns went very quickly. Since she had meconium, she needed to be suctioned before she was fully birthed but the OB did so very quickly and I still got to hold her for a second when she came out before the pediatrician took her to make sure no meconium had been aspirated. We watched (as I ordered my husband to give them room to work) as my baby frighteningly did not cry. I started to get scared when the pediatician handed her to me and said she was fine, and that some babies just don't cry. (I have actually been at several births, and never had a baby not cry, so this was incredibly frightening for me) I can't imagine a stranger, a friend, or even my own mother being in the room at that moment. I had my husband, her daddy, with me. No one else could have done the job better.

After I'd held her for a while, tried to nurse, which she didn't yet want, the OB stitched me up (I tore, despite the efforts of my midwife and OB to stretch my perineum) and my husband got his chance to play daddy for the first time. He held her, sang to her and, as any good daddy does, he cried. He looked at her little fingers and toes, he stared into her big, wide open, almost purple, eyes.

And when I was done, we left the delivery room, got her weighed and bathed (remember, she was covered in poop) and went on to my room to spend the rest of our lives as intended, as a family.

So my point isn't that doulas aren't necesarry. I just think that they aren't necessary for everyone. If your relationship with your husband is like mine, and he's assertive, intelligent, educated, and involved, you can do it, without a doula.

I'm Back!

2010-02-23T16:38:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posting.

As some of you who follow me on twitter may know, I had a few weeks of stress and I am just now feeling somewhat back to normal. I found a breast lump, had a mammogram, sonogram, and fine needle aspiration. Everything was fine but I was completely petrified. I have honestly never been so scared in all my life, but thanks to my twitter friends and my facebook friends in Hong Kong, I got to choose who to tell what to, and when. It was really hard for me to not say anything to my family, but I also know that my mother and aunt are the world's biggest drama/gossip queens and if they knew, everyone would be planning my funeral.

but, I am well, safe, and healthy, and I am back. I have a few posts up my sleeve and will probably post several times in the coming days.

Glad to be back, and hoping to hear from all of you!

The Happiest Place on Earth?

2010-01-09T17:02:00.003-05:00

It's been said that Disney world is the happiest place on earth. Has that been your experience? I know it is a magical place, and I have loved every visit. It's certainly a very fun place, but for me, the happiest place on earth is really not that. The happiest place on earth was our 230 square foot travel trailer, full of our everyday posessions, a few mementos, two cats, one baby turned toddler and a loving couple. The adventures had in our camper, lovingly referred to as the campser (camp-sir) were many, and the milestones that little Harriet achieved there were too. She went from crawling, though she knew how to walk, to running, climbing stairs, and of course took her first few spills. I remember fondly the nights near Duluth, MN, where the sky was clear and the sun set late, laying in bed and cuddling with her while listening to they might be giants singing where do they make balloons. The mornings where she would roll over greet me (and hubs, until the end of the trip when it got a littttle cramped in there and he took residence elsewhere...usually the couch) and immediately turn on the very bright light not eighteen inches from my face. And still, it was happy. I smiled. I loved on my baby.

Like every family we had our moments where things weren't perfect, but at the core of it, we all knew, even Harriet seemed to understand, that this time was special and fleeting.

I recall a time in Yellowstone (go there. yes, I know everyone does it. there is a reason for that. now just trust me, and go.) when changing Harriet's diaper in my seat of the truck. she insisted there was a cat. We told her no again and again, but she insisted. Finally, after nearly wrestling her to get the diaper on we turned around to see an elk only feet from us. OH, THAT cat. That's not a cat, my Poops, that is an elk.

I remember driving (well, riding) home late in the light of the brightest moon I have ever seen. I don't know that we saw another vehicle all the way from the north entrance at Yellowstone all the way to fishing bridge rv park nearer the east entrance, about 60 miles from where we entered. (http://www.yellowstonenationalpark.com/maps.htm) The whole drive we were looking for Bison, these great, dark creatures, who you only actually see at night if you catch their eyes with your headlights. Imagine something nearly the size of a pickup truck (they can weigh upwards of a ton) with two small reflectors. you have to catch them at the right angle, or you can not see them. Every flash of light gives you pause, and when one somehow sneaks up beside you as you drive, you can actually feel the noise it makes, not loud, but low and rumbly, as if to say I'm here, and I am bigger than you. you may be in a truck, but I can jump 6 feet straight up and charge at speeds of over 30 mph. Just so you know, I'm here.

And it was home. It was our home. It was actually the first major purchase we have made together. That is sort of funny. Hubs bought me a ring, paid a pretty penny for it, but that was his decision. I handled the wedding, he handled the honeymoon, though he technically paid for both. After being married for over 2 years, we bought a home. With wheels. Which, I have to say makes us laugh even today. You see, we aren't exactly the settling down type. The only home that would make financial sense for us to buy is one that could go with us. When I met Hubs, he told me that life with him was an adventure. I didn't really know what that meant, but I figured that I could handle it. After he moved to Tokyo less than 3 months after we met, when I moved into his apartment in Chicago, later staying at the maple leaf "inn" in Elkhart Lake, WI, and moving with a shopping cart from one building to the next in a nice neighborhood in downtown Chicago, I was starting to get the picture.

Still, I think that the idea of spending a large chunk of money on a truck and camper after you've been laid off while working in an industry which was undergoing major restructuring, and loving every minute of it was not what I thought he meant.

Now, home is an apartment in lower Manhattan, full of bins and knicknacks and books. Lots of books. we must be huge nerds to have this many books. Even Harriet is a burgeoning bibliophile. Even though the house is STILL in a bit of mayhem, it's home. It has my pots and pans, and the rocking chair I rocked my baby in, in utero and out. It has our still rolled up papyrus from our honeymoon in Egypt. It has 2 cats who have traveled the world with us, who we love dearly, annoying as they may be at times (usually late at night and involving something with a bell or a hairball) but more than that, it's where we are. My Hubs, and my Harriet, make this my home.

Little did I know that the adventures we have, big and small, and we have them often, would make me the happiest woman on the earth. Little did I know that the place, wherever it is, that houses my Hubs and my Harriet, is absolutely the happiest place on earth.

If I knew we were going to have more...

2010-01-04T21:37:00.003-05:00

If I knew we were having more we would have...

I've heard so many people say something like this. While I understand that kids products and toys are pricey I really hate the idea that it's only worth buying good stuff if more than one of your kids will use it. Being the paren of an only child, we choose fewer quality toys and toys that she needs on a developmental level. We pick her toys carefully and thoughtfully, and we bargain hunt for all but the most important, immediate needs. Yes, I think some toys are a need. A lot of toys? No.

The same for clothing. I just spent $200 at gap ($100 of that was gift cards) and bought almost everything Harriet will need until probably next fall. Of course we will find cute things that we want, and we will buy some of them, but if we didn't buy another thing she could be well clothed until then (until she outgrows her current jammies, of course)

I just hate the idea that the kid isn't worth spending the money on, or an item shouldn't be purchased unless a second child will use it. I think if something is superior, it may be worth paying for.

Two examples: my ergo baby carrier. I spent a ton of money on other carriers that were supposed to have some benefit over the ergo but when it came down to it the $20 here and there I spent on those slings wraps and carriers would have been better spent elsewhere, but my ergo was hands down our number 1 most used baby product.

Second, our stroller. We bought a pricey stroller. it had some features we really wanted, most importantly a height adjustable handle and very comfortable seat. I almost exclusively wore her in the ergo until about 9 months old, unless we were going to a restaurant that didn't have baby seats when she was old enough for one, but in NYC I find I really need a stroller when running errands and going
more than one place in an outing. Don't hate on me, babywearers, I love wearing my kiddo, but using the right tool for the job makes sense...and taking a toddler to a grocery store in the ergo and carrying two heavy bags of groceries home just doesn't make sense.

My point is, when it comes time to buying things for your child, if one product is superior, or more needed than another, why base the decision to get that product, get another, or not get one at all, on whether or not you will have another child to use it.

And that, my friends, is my rant for today. there will be more mother-of-an-only-child rants at some point in your future. fair warning...

organization! part 2

2010-01-03T23:42:00.000-05:00

Today we managed to get rid of all but 14 (all but, hah! we have so much crap!) bins. The christmas stuff is in 4 ornament bins, 3 small storage bins, and a tree stand. I have not a lot of idea about what is in the remaining bins, there are also 3 more bins beyond those 14, one of pictures, one of papers and one of giveaway stuff. The papers can't be taken care of until we get a new desk and file cabinet. the pictures have to be scanned and then pitched I think... and the giveaway stuff, well...hard to get rid of it right now. but can;t bear the idea of throwing away a breastpump that works great and someone could use.

Right now we are trying to update my phone, which is being a pain in the ass. I don't really know why but I hope hubs can get it working!

In other news, we have gotten some strong interest in our truck and camper. Really hoping someone actually follows through and purchases it!

What did you do this weekend?

organization!

2010-01-02T23:58:00.000-05:00

Today, we started a new year cleaning spree. We went to target and got 3 more bookcases, 4 ornament storage bins, and a whole bunch of things that are much cheaper in jersey than manhattan. (benadryl, deodorant, shampoo...)

We decided that even though we really enjoyed our Christmas tree, we should take it down because we are SO SICK of living in boxes. we have sorted and thrown out a ton of stuff, and today we also rodered 8 underbed storage boxes from the container store. We each get to keep 4 bins worth of "stuff" from the 20 bins we have left to sort, but that shouldn't be too difficult.

I am debating throwing away/donating my luggage and just using what Stirling has. we pack a LOT lighter nowadays than we did 4 years ago, and even if we used every piece of luggage we have, we wouldn't need mine...but there's always that maybe...tough decision!

Wish us luck, tomorrow is organization day!

transition

2010-01-01T23:49:00.000-05:00

How on earth do you transition your toddler from a crib to a bed? we were cosleeping until Harriet decided that she wanted to sleep on her own, so we used the pack and play, but today she started throwing out the supplemental mattress pad we had in there. the pad that comes in the pack and play just isn't enough for everyday, but she is 19 months old, so we don't want to buy a crib. I think we will buy a crib mattress and put it on the floor, that way if she can't handle sleeping on just the mattress we can buy a crib if we absolutely need to, but i need the practical. how do I get her to actually lay down on the mattress.

current routine is: ask "Harriet, are you sleepy" she signs sleepy "night night Harriet" she says nigh-night to whoever is here, put her in pack and play, turn on music, say night night again and turn off light, see ya in 12 hours. but she stands, plays, etc. in there.

Anyone have suggestions, input, etc?

2009 - Year of the Family

2009-12-31T14:35:00.001-05:00

I don't have enough room to discuss 2009 here, but I will give a summary and hope to post more details later.

January 20:
we returned to the US, on Inauguration day, to NYC. Mistake. more on that later. We drove to IL, jetlagged with a baby and 2 crying, sick cats, to stay in my brother's basement. my very, very gracious brother, who, though he hated cats, allowed us to bring our two sick cats into his home.
February:
visited my in laws, and for the first time since Harriet was born, they saw the 3 of us together. We had a really nice visit.
March:
visited my parents, in Georgia, aka the Vortex. Had a great time and there decided that while our families had all been accomodating, we would not like to overstay our welcome with any of them so we looked into buying an RV.
April:
drove from my brother's house to Michigan to pick up the RV. Very nice couple sold it to us, we really liked them and spent a whole day visiting with them while figuring out the camper. April 11, had an early birthday party for Harriet, since we would be on the road for her actual first birthday. Tax day: left for the adventure of a lifetime. and if the whole adventure had gone the way that day went, let's just say it would have been very short. More on that later, too. April 22, St. Louis-> Branson. Hubs turned 30. We didn't do much. That's ok because in...
May:
We drove through AR (Beautiful state) and TN to GA, picked up our goods that had been shipped to my parents, and celebrated Harriet's birthday at Olive Garden after trying to find a non-existent Chuck E Cheese. That's also OK, because she LOVED Olive Garden and most importantly, we sent the day together,, as a family. We realized that day what a gift it was for Hubs to get laid off as he did. We knew it before, but it made it very clear that this would be good for us, as a family.
We spent Mother's day in GA. Not my first choice but it's how it worked out. We spent the morning at Church with my parents, and went to lunch with them afterward. Then I bowed out, becuase I realyl wanted to spend my first mothers day being a mother, with my baby. I was still pregnant last year on mother's day, and some people said some hurtful things about not being a mother until she was born, and even though I knew I was one, it was wonderful spending it with her in my arms, not just my heart and my uterus. somehow we managed to leave georgia, went to FL, AL, MS, and LA. We stayed in New Orleans for a few days, including my 30th birthday. The absolute worst birthday ever. and no one's fault, just a really bad day that happened to be on my 30th birthday. no fighting, etc, just stupidity in the world. From there we drove up to KS, for a concert. For Harriet. Yes, we drove over 1000 miles in a day for a 1 year old to go to a concert. yes, we are demented, and yes, she loved it. more on that later, too (noticing a pattern yet?)
June:
brought IA, where we visited a friend of mine and then went to Mason City, saw a lot of gorgeous prairie and usonian style homes, and went up to MN, where we planned to spend a few days. We met up with some friends of Hubs in minneapolis, then headed for duluth, where we ended up spending a month. We did go to Canada for a few days while we were there, but Duluth is beautiful. We had a hard time leaving, and the people there were some of the nicest we met on the trip. While there we shot off fireworks over the camprgound's pond and went to a renn faire, plus a lot more...
July:
We left MN, headed to De Smet, SD, where we saw more Laura Ingalls Wilder than any town should have. I really enjoyed seeing it, but the town has nothing else to offer, and is near no other worthwhile tourist locations, either. Then on to rapid city, SD. Rushmore, Crazy Horse, some very poorly chosen music and a poorly executed laser show, an alpine slide, over to WY for Devil's tower and the geographic center of the US, and some caves. We had a great time in Rapid City. We escaped there the weekend Sturgis started...and drove toward yellowstone.
August:
was spent primarily in yellowstone. We returned for hubs' grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary in late August, and we also celebrated FIL's b day and went to the Lincoln, IL balloon fest.
September:
We continued living in our camper and enjoying our family, immediate and extended. We spent time visitng old friends and driving around smalltown IL, becuase we knew very soon that would change.
October:
We moved to NYC. Let me just say there is nothing as classy as moving from an RV in Jersey to a luxury apartment in Manhattan. in the rain. at night. Hats off to hubs on this one...he did most of the work. In October, Harriet nursed for the last time as hubs walked out the door to his first day of work. Very big day around here, it was so appropriate really, such a strong sign marking the end of one chapter and the beginning of the next. I knew. I knew it was the last time she was going to nurse, she hadn't nursed in nearly a week and she nursed very well, looking at me all the while. I just knew. She never asked for it again. Sometimes she would sign milk just to see if I would offer but she never took it again.
November:
brought thanksgiving, our shipment from GA (my parents drove it up) a visit with the parents, and my first ever Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I have wanted to go my whole life. What a great time!
And finally,
December:
brought our first American Christmas with Harriet. I found that I really enjoyed the amount of Christmas "stuff" in America. I know it is over the top, but after living abroad where it's just another shopping holiday, it was nice to see trees and hear the songs and see the sparkle in kid's eyes, and feel like people had memories tied to the holiday, not just their wallets and obligation. Our tree is still up and will be well into 2010. Harriet loves the ornaments and playing with her toys that still mostly lie underneath it's branches. We had a great holiday, spent together as a family, and we will continue that tonight, as we celebrate in Japanese style, eating soba to symbolize longevity, and start a fresh, clean year. What will 2010 be for us? only time will tell...

2009

2009-12-31T10:21:00.002-05:00

25 states, 4 countries, 3 homes, busy year.

10 for 2010

2009-12-31T09:02:00.002-05:00

I posted on twitter last night my 10 resolutions for 2010. For someone who rarely if ever makes resolutions, it's a long list. A resolution may not be the right word, I think of them more as goals, long term goals really. I'll be happy if I move toward them, but they are all things I really need to do in my life. Here they are, again, with a bit more detail.

1) drink more water

I am a pepsi addict. Hard core. No question about it. It's my one real vice. I rarely drink, never smoke, never was one to sleep around, but I want to be a good example for Harriet, so I vow to drink more water. That isn't saying I will give up pepsi. That would take a rehab program I'm not sure my insurance would cover.

2) exercise consistently

Along with the bad habit of large caffeine intake is the lack of consistent exercise. We do walk everywhere, and I play and play hard most days with Harriet, but I need both a time for a mental mommy break and physical rejuvenation. Thankfully the hubs (who may occasionally guest post on here) is supportive and we are trying to find the best way to handle me getting some exercise and things at home being handled the best they can, little things, like dinner, bathing and bedtime. Nothing really important. Oh, wait. Those are important.

3) plan more dates w/ hubs

Until recently I had a nursling. At 17 months she self weaned and we found ourselves with a lot more freedom, but we have yet to actually have a babysitter come watch Harriet. We need time to be a couple, not just a family. We love being a family so much that at times we forget that we need to do things on our own. We don't require as much of this time as some other couples, since we really do enjoy our time just the 3 of us, but dinner and a movie and makeup and hairdryers would be nice once or twice a month... and hubs would go along if I planned it. I love when he plans but let's just say that he is not a planner. We can talk about that another day...

4)build a routine (daily, weekly,monthly)

I need this. Painfully. I'd like to make time in every day for the basic things like dishes, diapers, laundry, shower EVERY day, (why is it so hard to take a shower every day when you have a toddler?) I'd like to make sure the bathrooms, kitchens and floors are cleaned, not just picked up at least 2 or 3 times a week. I want to blog consistently and on that note...

5)record things more

Last summer I started recording things in a calendar. I loved it, but amidst a very interesting set of events, I lost track of doing that, and I want to do it again.

6) take a few minutes to myself every day

Heck, if I can get that daily shower, I'll call it done, but wouldn't it be great to have time, alone, to paint my toes or run to the store. Maybe the few minutes can be spent on my blog or maybe doing something I enjoy, or learning to sew (better). I just want something of my own. This one will be harder than it seems.

7)become a better cook (getting there)

I love to cook. I love pasta and chicken and bison and and and...but I'm not a great cook. I cook, most nights (Hubs grills and makes jambalaya) but I'd like to be able to cook a dinner worthy of inviting guests over. We are in the process of restocking our kitchen. We have a long wish list, but I do have great pots and pans, and hopefully this summer I can get a new stand mixer, I know that having the right tools makes any job easier, and Hubs bought me some great books for Christmas. If you have any input on either kitchen products or cooking, leave a comment. it will be graciously accepted!

8)be a better wife

This goes along with #3, but so much of my focus the last almost 2 years has been on Harriet, and it was absolutely necessary, so I want to be a better wife. I try. I try so hard. When Hubs called to say he was coming home and then to run an errand the other day, I tried to get everything he needed together, I buy him little things he likes at the store, I try to cook things I know he will eat, but sometimes I am so tired from chasing Harriet all day that it's hard to focus on him. I make a point of asking about his day every day, and I know he appreciates me, but I still want to be better. I am very confident that I am a good mom, but I'd like the same confidence in my wifely abilities.

9)vacuum more

just for Hubs.

10) set and assess realistic goals for days weeks and months.

I love to make goals, but I sometimes am not realistic. I think most of the goals I set here are achievable, but not in days or weeks, and I hope in 2010 I at least make some progress on them.

here I try again...

2009-12-31T00:53:00.000-05:00

to establish a blog, which I update with some regularity. I think the key is anonymity. I have a lot of family and friends who might get their undies in a bunch over some things I say, and I love them, but I don't want to walk on eggshells. This is my blog, my place to vent, get advice, and share my worldview. You don't have to agree with it, and I won't feel the need to defend it. I hope we can have some good times together, and that in my anonymity I can share a bit more about my real self.

welcome, friends, tweeps, and strangers. leave me some comment love.

love,
mommom